God said he would not destroy the world with flood water again. God is merciful. McDonald's steak, egg, and cheese bagel is not.
Yesterday was quite the day. Once again my bowels weren't done with me. I found myself sitting upon my throne unleashing a horrible plague upon this world, but the truth is that this was barely the beginning of the story.
After my Wing Chun class, I headed over to my friend's place in order to meet up for the Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse. Evidently the apocalypse is centered around a lot of waiting. We managed to get through, but we didn't leave until 3:00am. Bringing some of my friends home, we decided to stop off at the local Steak n Shake. It was night and I didn't want to eat too much, but all my efforts to reduce my eating were defeated as the waitress as she gave me fries I didn't ask for and an extra large shake instead of a small one. If you put something in front of me, I will eat it.
During our dining experience, I supplied our conversations with ample amounts of flatuation. Perfectly normal, right? Well as we're getting up to leave, I had one last coup de grâce for Steak n Shake. This was a mistake. The dam broke and flooded my crevasse. I noticed the release felt a little strange, but knowing full well what defecating in your pants feels like, I thought I was in the clear. As I was paying though, I could feel agricultural runoff gently filling up between my cheeks. Casually walking over to the restroom, I discovered that every fart I made from that epic blast onward would result in a shotgun blast of fecal buckshot. Thank goodness for my massive, powerful glutes; I was able to contain the blast. This morning the problem still persisted, but I think it is now all quiet on the southern front. What a day!
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